Except for the gymnastics part, this is something I could have written.
Maybe that's why we're friends. :)
It could also be that you're pretty awesome. That might have something to do with it too.
This is the second entry in this series where I am almost frightened by the similarities. Especially your last paragraph.
It might be that some of this comes with the territory when you choose a career like ours, too - where you have to move around a lot to chase jobs, you have frequent work-related interruptions to your daily plans, etc.
I really like this assessment. It makes me feel reassured, that my friends aren't the only ones who are patient and tolerant of such things. There may, in fact, be a whole world of such people out there.
Thank you. I hope that there are, because if there's one thing we don't need more of, it's impatience and intolerance.
I've always loved that quote, except I've always heard it "two can keep a secret if one is dead". Perhaps you being on the metric system have more people in the conversion :)
And while I could see that maybe in real life you might have walls/boundaries/whatever, I think you'd be totally fun to hang out with and get to know. I think that people just need to make the effort to know you...
It's probably gone through a number of permutations. I believe it's often attributed to Benjamin Franklin, but the quote/sentiment may predate him. :)
I don't have a "best friend" either. In fact, I see all my friends on such an irregular basis that others would probably regard them as acquaintances. I've always been a solitary person and i'm just fine with that. Of course I'm married now and socialize most with either my wife or my co-workers. :)
I spend most of my socialisation energy on the bloke, a few friends, my work colleagues and...this journal! :)
I can relate to this a lot. I don't have a best friend, not since I was about 13 anyway. Tim I trust whole heartedly, but that goes without saying. Other than that, I like people who I feel comfortable with, don't make feel like I have to 'perform', make me laugh, interesting and just genuine.
Ah, I like how you've put that: not feeling like you have to "perform". I meet a lot of people whose expectations of my behaviour are set immediately either by knowing what I do or by knowing my other half, and are not easily swayed from those expectations. This makes me deeply uncomfortable and tends to make me shut down.
This all sounds rather familiar especially, as others have said, the last paragraph.
Perhaps it may be an adaptation common to those with demanding careers!
The only time someone's being "very private" has ever made being friends with them hard for me was when their privacy made my own life complex or hard to deal with in some way.
Best examples I can think of:
Friend from grad school and I were going to conference. I went to pick her up at her place and the landlord informs she'd moved two months prior. I got a phone call three minutes later telling me she'd moved in with her BF (a prof in our dept) and to give me directions to get there. "I don't think you know I've moved in with XXXXX now..." Ya don't say?
Living in a garden apartment with shared kitchen upstairs with a colleague from the dept. She neglected to tell me when I was discussing moving in that she was divorcing her husband. The husband who also lived in the house. A mutual friend said she and Housemate Friend had discussed me "like a kid, when you have to tell them their parents are getting divorced."
Uh. That was almost as offensive as the time BFF?KB described me and her Awful Boyfriend as "dogs trying to figure out who owns the human." I love my dog, but no. (I moved out two weeks after that.)
ANYWAY. My point is. Privacy. It's a thing people like or need sometimes. It doesn't mean they like you any less than anyone else. Or even that they trust you in particular any less than anyone else. It just means to be friends with you, they need or want a particular interaction style.
Also? If someone doesn't say things about their feelings? Instead of quietly seething that they aren't sharing or whatever? How about people just try ASKING? If you need to know that badly, ask. Then they can say something or not. Sheesh.
AND FINALLY. After having been friends with BFF?KB? I would much rather be friends with someone private than with someone who is CONSTANTLY OVERSHARING. Way to suck the air out of a room there, by comparing me and your awful BF to your dogs fighting over who owns you. Nice. Keep that one to yourself.
Lastly? I am super extraverted person who doesn't really think sharing everything is a good idea or necessary one. And I definitely don't have a BFF. I have lots of people who are good friends who help me in lots of ways. One BFF only, to me, can be another word for "co-dependent" and I don't need that in my life any more, no thank you.
So yeah. I get you about this, and I think in many many ways we are very different about some of these personality things. You are not alone.