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Mad Scientess Jane Expat

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Topic Meme: Day 11 [20131224|21:16]
Mad Scientess Jane Expat
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[the weather today is |pinot noir]

[personal profile] soliano requested I witter about: Romance.

Oh my. I have a peculiar relationship with Romance. Some of my favourite comfort reads fit the exhaustively overdone Romantic trope of two heterosexual persons who meet under stressful circumstances, don’t really like one another at first, then fall in love and the whole thing winds up with some manner of stupidly spectacular wedding a grand total of three weeks later.

This is not a thing I can recall wanting myself. Even with my very first relationship which looked on course to follow said trope (right down to the high school sweethearts part in modern versions), that’s not the ending I desired, because I had my sights set on top universities and multiple degrees. The whirlwind aspect of romance never appealed.

I’m also not an expensive wedding in a white dress kind of person. Having participated as a bridesmaid in a few of those, I must say I don’t see the point. It’s a lot of planning and money for an event that most frequently seems to be predominantly stressful for the persons who are supposed to be having the time of their lives.

For me, neither the adrenaline rush of first attraction nor the public celebration of commitment have much to do with romance. Expensive gift-giving does, mostly because of the planning and saving up on behalf of another person required to execute it. Other things I find romantic include:

  • Spooning
  • Cups of tea brought when needed, not just when requested
  • Bacon sandwiches on hangover mornings
  • Enthusiasm for using a long sit-down in the pub as a reward for achieving just about anything
  • Ridiculous private nicknames
  • A good intellectual row, followed by kissing
  • An unequivocal “Yes” in reply to “Can I interest you in bed-related shenanigans?”

I feel bad for Romance since it often gets used in a derogatory manner to describe associations that are either cliched, inaccurate or both, when in fact it is one of the greatest things about love.

This entry was originally posted at http://nanila.dreamwidth.org/905770.html. The titration count is at comment count unavailable.0 pKa.

[User Picture]From: cosmiccircus
2013-12-25 00:12 (UTC)
You had me at "bacon sandwiches"!
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2013-12-26 11:27 (UTC)
Bacon (and egg) sandwiches were absolutely vital this morning.
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[User Picture]From: soliano
2013-12-25 09:23 (UTC)
All of this is quite romantic, but in a very authentic way. How can you go wrong with spooning.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2013-12-26 11:29 (UTC)
Spooning could go wrong if you tried it, say, on a bed of pine needles. Or pampas grass leaves. But otherwise I think not.
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[User Picture]From: purplecthulhu
2013-12-25 10:04 (UTC)
An excellent list!

I begin to see why we get on well :-)
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[User Picture]From: helpful_mammal
2013-12-25 23:05 (UTC)
While individually I agree with each bullet point item in your list I am disappointed to note that spooning a bacon sandwich cannot easily be described as 'doubly romantic'.

PS mustard does get everywhere, doesn't it?!
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2013-12-26 12:04 (UTC)
And bread crumbs. Bread crumbs in the bed are a problem.
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[User Picture]From: helpful_mammal
2013-12-26 13:27 (UTC)
Too right. Don't want to attract any pigeons.
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[User Picture]From: dangermouse72
2013-12-26 08:38 (UTC)
Maybe it's a bloke thing but I've always found 'romance' so difficult to..........define.

And, correct me if I'm wrong, but often a bloke's definition of romance is often different to his/a lady's definition?

I could use some help here ;o)
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[User Picture]From: dangermouse72
2013-12-26 08:39 (UTC)
I do vote for 'spooning' and just cuddling though. Whether you're reading, watching telly or whatever, just some form of physical contact is nice. Is that considered romantic?
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2013-12-26 12:01 (UTC)
Yes, I think so. I guess the only thing to make sure of is that the attention is welcome at the time, if you're the one initiating it. For instance, if I'm working on my laptop or reading something work-related, I generally prefer to do that without interruption. But if, say, the bloke and I have agreed to do something together (like watch a film or television, or read the papers) then usually no asking is needed.
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[User Picture]From: dangermouse72
2013-12-29 09:35 (UTC)
I have an ex who wasn't as 'touchy feely' as me, but I think she put up with me for the most part. I always wanted to be touching her in some way - and not necessarily in a rude way like her boobs or her bum - I'd want to have my arm/hand/leg touching hers, or my arm around her or whatever.

However, if she was busy and I knew she was 'on a mission' with something, I knew that now wasn't a good time for touching/physical contact.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2013-12-26 12:03 (UTC)
I think it's not so much a bloke/lady thing. It's more about how much of the cultural norm you ascribe to personally, and that's highly variable.
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