Mad Scientess Jane Expat (nanila) wrote,
Mad Scientess Jane Expat
nanila

Separation anxiety

I saw the midwife today and she praised me for getting Humuhumu into just the right position to be born (head down and engaged; back to front). I guess all the gardening and rolling around on the exercise ball actually has helped. She also expressed doubt that I'd need my 40 week appointment, which she can't do until I'm almost in my 41st week, since Humuhumu is slightly ahead of the growth curve and apparently almost fully cooked. I suspect that's tempting fate so I'm trying not to think about it.

I know childbirth is going to hurt physically, but weirdly, the closer The Event gets, the more my anxiety has become focused on the potential emotional pain. A part of me is very reluctant to be separated from Humuhumu. I've spent months growing this child. I feel rather possessive about it. (Witness the fire dragon in me rearing its head and being Bad At Sharing.) My hackles go up at the thought of someone else carrying Humuhumu. That's my job. I don't want people touching the little one without my permission, just as I was with the bump. This is definitely something I was not expecting to feel quite so strongly.

I imagine once I'm faced with 8-12 nappy changes a day, I won't have any problem with sharing Humuhumu with anyone who is willing to help, but at the moment it's a bit of a worry.
Tags: child-bearing, navel-gazing
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