Onward to Trollhunter.
PROLOGUE: This footage was found in the snow in north Norway. It is believed to be genuine.
AUDIENCE: Really?
PROLOGUE: ...No. For pity’s sake, suspend your disbelief, shut up and watch the film.
STUDENTS: We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of...no, actually we’re going to follow round this guy they say is killing bears illegally and maybe make a documentary for our final project.
HUNTER: *stomps around looking gruff and beardy*
STUDENTS: Excuse us, do you hunt bears?
HUNTER: Piss off.
STUDENT 1: What should we do? Should we go home or follow him?
STUDENT 2: Duh. Follow him. This movie lasts longer than five minutes.
HUNTER: *drives off into woods*
STUDENT 1: That sign says “Blast Zone: Do Not Enter”.
STUDENT 2: *rolls her eyes, moves sign, opens gate*
STUDENT 1: I never would have thought of that.
STUDENT 2: Moron.
STUDENTS: Oh, he stopped. Let’s leave our car and follow him blindly on foot. That seems like a great idea.
HUNTER: *hurtles past STUDENTS* RUUUUN!
STUDENTS: *freeze*
TROLL: GRAAAAAH! *bites STUDENT 1*
STUDENTS: *split up, because this is always the best thing to do in a horror film*
TROLL: *sniffs, singles out STUDENT 3* GRAAAH!
STUDENT 3: *runs past HUNTER’s heavily armoured caravan*
HUNTER: *kills TROLL*
STUDENTS: Awesome! We filmed a troll!
HUNTER: One of you is a Christian. All of you are morons.
STUDENTS: What? Not me.
HUNTER: *points at STUDENT 2* It’s not her. Get in the van. Your car is totalled.
STUDENTS: Shiiii----
HUNTER: Right. Let’s go find some more trolls.
STUDENTS: Yaaaay!
HUNTER: You’d almost think you didn’t believe you’re all going to die.
STUDENTS: What?
HUNTER: Oh, nothing. Spoilers. Let me tell you about troll hunting.
[repeat this section 2-3 x
HUNTER: TROOOOLLLL!
STUDENTS Shiiii----
HUNTER: *kills TROLL*]
HUNTER: Now I have a blood sample to give to my veterinarian friend.
VET: OK, I’ll test it.
HUNTER & VET: *long embrace*
STUDENTS: *eyebrows in hairlines*
HUNTER: We have to go kill the big bad daddy troll now.
STUDENTS: Cooool.
HUNTER: Morons.
STUDENTS: What?
HUNTER: Nothing. Let me tell you about the big bad daddy troll while we’re trapped in this cave with some young sleeping trolls.
STUDENT 3: I have something to confess.
HUNTER & STUDENTS 1&2: What?
STUDENT 3: I’m a Christian.
TROLLS: *wake up, devour STUDENT 3*
HUNTER & STUDENTS 1&2: *leg it*
HUNTER’s phone rings.
VET: Is this a bad time?
HUNTER: Yes.
VET: The trolls are rabid. Sorry.
STUDENTS: What’d she say?
HUNTER to STUDENT 1: You have rabies.
STUDENT 1: Shiiii----
BIG BAD DADDY TROLL: GRAAAAAH!
HUNTER: You stay on the road. I’ll go kill it. Then you walk back to town along the road. And get STUDENT 1 to a hospital.
STUDENTS: Huh?
HUNTER: Morons.
BIG BAD DADDY TROLL: GRAAA---*crumble*
GOVERNMENT AGENTS: Hello, STUDENTS. And goodbye.
STUDENTS: What?
GOVERNMENT AGENTS: Morons.
HUNTER: Tell me about it. I’m out.
