Yes, the bloke is on the wrong side of the Atlantic. Yes, you have strep and a cold. But just because you're lonely and sick doesn't mean you should be living on herbal tea, satsumas, bananas, soup and popcorn. You need to eat a proper meal. You will order a takeaway tomorrow if you're still unable to cook.
PS You're out of popcorn, anyway.
You are cute and fluffy and it's nice to have you on the bed to keep me company. It is not helpful, however, when you lie on top of the speaker phone when I'm in the middle of a telecon.
Dear self, again:
STOP WORKING or you won't get better. Go and watch the IT Crowd, mmkay?
Terminate that VPN connection. No really. Now.