Wednesday Addams as Pocahontas: We cannot break bread with you.
You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides. You will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, "Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller."
And for all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.
Happy (American) Thanksgiving! (The Canadians are like, that's so last month.)
I do actually love Thanksgiving, despite its highly questionable origins. I love that people go out of their way to ensure that everyone, whether they know the invitee well or not, has a place to spend the evening on that day. It’s the most generous-spirited holiday I think we have. It’s really the only American celebration that I miss. Chicken (because I don’t like turkey)! Stuffing! Cranberry sauce! Pumpkin pie! The shame of senseless genocide! Pie and shame! Yum.