- On the 17:44 from London Kings Cross to Kings Lynn (calling at Cambridge, Waterbeach, Ely, Littleport, Downham Market, Watlington and Kings Lynn, and one of these days I'll have to record a voice post because I can recite that from memory in time with and in the accent of the announcement): "Just to mix things up, we'll be stopping at Royston tonight. It'll be fun!"
- On the platform at Kings Cross: "As you enter the platform, please turn left and keep moving down. You'll find it much easier to board the next train if you move down the platform. Please believe me. I've been saying this for the last half an hour and no one believes me. There's space down here. Look!" *frantic waving of signalling paddle seen above the heads of the crowds*
- On the Piccadilly line at South Kensington Station: "Ladies and gentlemen, you are reminded that flash photography is not permitted on the London Underground. Please use some sense and do not use the flash on your camera while on the Tube."
"This train will be held here for a short time while I just get my sight back."
If we ever progress to a system of automatic, driver-less trains, I hope the engineers program in a bit of personality.