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Mad Scientess Jane Expat

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The consent of the lock [20100505|21:15]
Mad Scientess Jane Expat
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[the weather today is |finicky]

At this time of year, fields around Britain turn a brilliant shade of yellow, because they're filled with rape. And it irritates me deeply that I must exclaim, "Oh, look how beautiful the rape is!" I mean, really. Why do we persist in keeping the common name of this plant the same as a horrific crime? Yes, yes, I know its origin is Latin but I'm not asking to change its proper name (Brassica napus). Why haven't we re-christened it based on another of its characteristics?

It has been said many times that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Unfortunately, for blooming rape (See? SEE?!) the converse happens to be true as its smell is reminiscent of stale urine. Therefore, I don't recommend that rape be renamed based on its odour, unless we use a chemical obfuscation that happens to sound rather pretty, like Ammoniatum.

It could be renamed based on its colour. Shades of yellow have been spoken for by many other plants: flaxen, straw and saffron. None of these have the vivid hue of rape (!). Canary yellow is the only one that comes close. While "canary" would certainly be more pleasant than "rape", very little isn't, other than "murder" or "genocide". It is also potentially confusing to rename a plant after a bird.

I propose, therefore, that we should invert it, and call it "consent". Can you imagine how much nicer that would be? "The consent is in full bloom." "I photographed the most glorious consent yesterday." "Consent is a heavy nectar producer, and honeybees produce a light-coloured but peppery honey from it." "Consent smells of stale urine." Okay, maybe that last one isn't the best example, but you see what I'm saying, I hope.

Poll #1560688 Sometimes the name is everything.

We should henceforth refer to the plant known as rape as:

Consent
9(47.4%)
Ammoniatum
8(42.1%)
Canary
2(10.5%)
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: saltdawg
2010-05-05 20:36 (UTC)
I thought we already called it "Canola"?
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[User Picture]From: chickenfeet2003
2010-05-05 20:55 (UTC)
We do. Though technically Canola is low ereucid rape.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2010-05-06 16:39 (UTC)
Only the Revolting Colonials call it that. The Brits don't, presumably because it's an abbreviation for Canadian Oil.
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[User Picture]From: sekl
2010-05-05 20:56 (UTC)
I think you should honor a great hero or heroine of England. Perhaps though, not an entertainer.

"The Izzards are blooming again" or "the Eltons came late this year" just sounds wrong.

Perhaps, considering the odor, you could pick an unpopular political leader?

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[User Picture]From: chickenfeet2003
2010-05-05 22:31 (UTC)
The Camerons smell like piss sounds pretty good to me.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2010-05-06 16:40 (UTC)
Fingers crossed for a hung parliament.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2010-05-06 16:45 (UTC)
"Phwoar, the Chamberlain stinks to high heaven"?
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(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: nanila
2010-05-06 16:46 (UTC)
I rather like Retchfleur. It's probably too French for the Brits, though, considering that they probably haven't switched to calling rape "canola" simply because those revolting colonials do it.
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[User Picture]From: slutbunwalla
2010-05-05 21:44 (UTC)
I would go with consent but for some reason pronounced CON-sent. Just to be a bitch.

Or just start calling it RAH-pay. Or rah-PAY.
I like calling chamomile shah-mo-mee-lay and there's nothing wrong with that one to begin with.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2010-05-06 16:47 (UTC)
I like the idea, but it's probably too New World-y for the Brits. Like naming a place "Cairo" but pronouncing it "KAY-roh".
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[User Picture]From: painted_dreams
2010-05-05 23:26 (UTC)
What a horrible name for a flower... When I read the first line of your entry I thought of something else, but thankfully you were talking about a flower.

I am all for renaming it.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2010-05-06 16:48 (UTC)
I know! It's awful! It makes me feel terrible every time I speak of it.
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[User Picture]From: bowtomecha
2010-05-06 06:46 (UTC)
I was just remarking how much I love yellow rape in the spring. and yeah the looks i get.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2010-05-06 16:51 (UTC)
I can imagine. Like you just dropped your trousers in the middle of a swimsuit competition.
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[User Picture]From: bowtomecha
2010-05-06 16:55 (UTC)
well where i end up sitting in the audience, not everybody can see me when i do that.
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[User Picture]From: jixel
2010-05-06 11:20 (UTC)
but then people would start joking that rape became consent-ual
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2010-05-06 16:51 (UTC)
Shhh. Not if you don't tell them.
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[User Picture]From: nimoloth
2010-05-06 12:11 (UTC)
I've always heard it referred to as oilseed rape, so I just call it oilseed. I dislike the name as much as you do.

Which brings to mind a slightly related issue: the preponderance (mostly among younger folk*) of the term "Facebook rape" (or "frape"), which is what happens when someone else posts a status update on your profile without your permission (e.g. you left it logged in a your flatmate posts something rude). I really don't like the term at all -it makes light of a very serious issue and makes me angry every time I see it. I wonder if I'm being overly sensitive.

*I'm showing my age!
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2010-05-06 16:53 (UTC)
I think a lot of people get more sensitive as they get older. That sounds like the kind of joke I might have ignored or laughed off when I was younger, but find just plain repugnant now.

I also find it another reason to hate Facebook.
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From: pbristow
2010-05-06 17:17 (UTC)
Technically, "COnsent" is not the opposite of "rape", if that's what you were going for? It's a bit too general in meaning. We need a name that conveys "consensual and joyous physical love".

I therefore vote for option 4: "Slap'n'Tickle". =:o}

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[User Picture]From: nanila
2010-05-06 17:20 (UTC)
Mouthful of tea. Monitor. Combination almost as hilarious as your comment.
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[User Picture]From: attictroll
2010-05-06 21:15 (UTC)
As I prefer the homey names for plants (ie. blackeyed susans, grass widows, bachelor buttons), I'd have to dub it "Pissweed."
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2010-05-06 23:05 (UTC)
Ooh, that's a good one. It may be overly accurate for the marketing department though. I doubt people want to use pissweed oil, even if it's for biofuel.
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