|Why The Bloke Is A Bad, Bad Man
Mad Scientess Jane Expat
Since I don't yet have a UK driving license, the bloke drove us to Wales this weekend in order to climb the Brecon Beacons. My role in the car is to provide entertainment for the bloke so he doesn't fall asleep. Normally this consists of things like reading him the newspaper or a book, telling him amusing stories, or choosing music for the stereo. Sometimes, though, it just consists of being American.
For instance, the roads in England are a constant source of bafflement. No matter where we go when we leave Cambridge, we seem to have to take the A14. I don't understand how one road can be simultaneously northbound, southbound, eastbound and westbound, but the A14 seems to manage it. This results in conversations such as the following.
Him: "Bugger. I missed the turning."
Me: "Oh no. Can we turn around at the next exit?"
Him: "Yeah, it's just a pain."
silence while we reroute
Me: "So are we on the A14 again?"
Him: "Yeah, but we were before, too."
Me: "Wait, I'm confused. What was the road we were just on?"
Him: "The A14."
Me: "And the one we're on now?"
Him: "The A14."
Please note that the wrong road was not the A14 going in the opposite direction. It was a different road going roughly the correct direction.
Me: "Tell you what, I'm just going to shut up until we get to the M6."
Him: "You can't do that, I need you to navigate."
Me, under my breath: "Where did I put the little cake that will get me out of the rabbit hole?"
Later, I told him a story about a work telecon.
Me: "So then I told her--"
Him: "Wait, say the woman's name again?"
Me: "It's pronounced 'NAH-zee'."
Him, incredulously: "Spelt N-a-z-i?"
Me: "Er, yes."
Him: "Please tell me that's an abbreviation."
Me: "Uh huh. For 'Nazilla'."
Him: "Surely you'd go by 'Nazilla' if you had that name."
Me: "You know, I've happily been typing 'Dear Nazi' and 'Thanks, Nazi!' for three years without thinking about it because it's pronounced 'NAH-zee'. Now I'll never be able to write it again without feeling horribly uncomfortable. THANKS A LOT."