Hello! It is almost 2010 and I am little bit drunk. So I think it's time I explain to you why I like my little niece.
Item 1 I pop into the bedroom to get dressed to go for a walk outside with Niece to feed the neighbour's chickens. Niece doesn't like it when I leave the room. This is a fact. Another fact: Our bedroom door doesn't lock. Niece: "Auntie nanila!" Me: "Yes, miss?" Niece: "Auntie nanila, what are you doing?" Me: "Getting dressed so I can go outside." Niece: "Auntie nanila, can I come in?" Me: "Two seconds and I'll be out."
All goes quiet for exactly two seconds. There is a thump and the door flies open. Niece bursts in and confronts Aunty, who is only wearing jeans.
Niece: "Auntie nanila, you have to put a top on or you can't go outside. You'll get cold like that!"
Item 2 Niece: "Alles, alles, alles!" Me: "Good song. Do you have another?" Niece: "Luege, Luege, Luege!" Me: "Who sings that?" Niece: "NEUBAUTEN!"
Item 3 Me: "Did you sleep well?" Niece: "No." Me: "I'm sorry. Why?" Niece: "There was a monster under my bed." Me: "Oh dear. I asked them to leave you alone but one must have ignored me." Niece: "It's okay. I chased him outside. It was cold out there and he wanted to come back but I slammed the door and ran back upstairs." Me: "Did you sleep after that?" Niece: "Yes."
A pause while we contemplate our slices of satsuma.
Me: "Was it a fishman?" Niece: "No. Shoggoth."
You see? I don't need to have children. There is already a little me.
Oh yes. It's a good thing too, because my mind was absolutely whirring when she pushed open that door. I went through all the possibilities for reaction: panic, shame, admonishment, horror. I couldn't decide on one, so ended up looking nonchalant, which was probably the best thing I could have done.
I would've found #1 quite prurient before reproducing.
Now that I'm older and the sort of person who sticks his own half-dressed child out the door and waves her around in 28 degree (F) weather while saying "SEE YOU NEED MORE THAN A SUNDRESS ON" it just makes me nod quietly.