|Encounters with the Tin-Foil Hat Brigade
Mad Scientess Jane Expat
Over the past three days, my work colleague & I have received phone calls on our shared office phone from a chap who is becoming increasingly weird. He will only identify himself as "James", which he tells us is not his real name (?!) and he refuses to give us his number.
During the first call, he pestered my work colleague to give him the contact information of an ex-colleague. My work colleague refused, partly because we don't actually have contact information for him other than a personal mobile number, which we certainly weren't going to give to someone who refused to give us a real name.
During the second call, he asked if it were possible to beam information directly into someone's brain using a laser. He informed us that he believed someone was doing this to him. My work colleague assured him it was not possible to do this without him noticing (e.g. being put inside a CAT scanner).
I answered the third call, confusing "James". He tried to ask for my work colleague but he couldn't remember his name ("Foreign chap. Maybe Eastern European." Said colleague is Dutch.) and I wasn't about to help him. He asked me if the college had any sort of device for measuring microwave radiation. Yes, I said, it does. He asked if he could borrow it or buy it from us. No, I said, you can't. Why? he asked, becoming belligerent. Because it's purpose-built and it's not for sale, I answered.
"Look, can I talk to the guy I spoke to before?" he asked.
"No, there's no one else here right now. If you leave a number and a message, I can figure out who it is and ask him to phone you back," I answered in my brightest breeziest American.
"I don't have a number," he grumbled.
"Well, that's a shame," I said.
"I'll try again later," he growled.
If he calls again, I'm going to tell him that the next transmission from the laser will erase our phone number from his brain.