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Mad Scientess Jane Expat

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Deeds of Derring-Do | Full of Wild Inaccuracies and Exaggerations

Overheard in England [20091026|14:38]
Mad Scientess Jane Expat
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[the weather today is |schadenfreude]

To Christina, the young lady on the train who volubly discussed a recent "infidelity" with a seatmate for the entire 50 minute journey from Cambridge to London Kings Cross,

First of all, if you are agonizing about whether or not to tell your boyfriend, perhaps it is not wise to do so on an otherwise silent - and packed - train carriage. Secondly, if you are agonizing about whether or not to tell your boyfriend, perhaps it is not wise to phone up your entire circle of acquaintances and tell them about it so that everyone knows about it except him. It will not stay that way for long. Thirdly, from what I gather, having been seated in the privileged position directly in front of you, you got drunk with a male friend, who also has a girlfriend. You let him sleep at yours, during the course of which he made a pass at you. You didn't shag him. You didn't even kiss him. Even if you are currently lying to your friends and yourself, this is not the end of the goddamn world. Why don't you face up to the fact that what you're really after is the pleasure of making a tearful, heartrending confession? And the romantic, painful reconciliation scene? I can almost guarantee, however, that the way you're going about it ensures that should you eventually decide to tell him, this is not what you'll get.

xo xo
nanila

PS Explain to me how it is that you did not spontaneously combust from all the hatred being directed at you by my fellow commuters.

To Christina's boyfriend,

Maybe she's not a cheater, but she definitely is a drama queen. This will happen again. So unless you happen to be equally fond of public scenes of remonstrance and floods of tears, I'd suggest a quiet exit at your earliest convenience. HA! Ahem, excuse me, something in my throat.

Good luck with that,
nanila
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: sekl
2009-10-26 15:39 (UTC)
Perhaps you could get back to discovering the planet Drama so we can ship its best and brightest back? Please oh please oh please?
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2009-10-27 10:07 (UTC)
NASA's Kepler is working on it.
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[User Picture]From: chibaraki
2009-10-26 18:49 (UTC)
Oh my god, are people QUIET on the train in the UK? because on the bus in Seattle people's preferred pastime seems to be OMG LAST NIGHT I WAS SOOOOOO WASTEEEEEEED!

Then again my friend's and my pastime is OMG UNDERGRADS ARE SOOOOO ANNOYIIIIIING, so...
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2009-10-27 10:09 (UTC)
Talking is not permitted on trains between 7 and 9 AM in England. Customers wishing to speak should not attempt to board the train. National Rail is not responsible for the grievous bodily harm they will suffer if they do so.
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[User Picture]From: automatic_kafka
2009-10-26 23:20 (UTC)
I once sat across from some dude on the bus who broke up with his girlfriend... on speakerphone.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2009-10-27 10:09 (UTC)
Classy!
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(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: nanila
2009-10-27 10:11 (UTC)
Almost. She had enough British sensitivity to lower her voice after the woman next to me turned around and gave her a glare that could have ignited a pile of wet logs.
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[User Picture]From: senusert
2009-10-27 14:33 (UTC)
Next time you need to find out the colour of their underwear, as it's about the only thing you didn't know about the their personal lives by the end of the conversation.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2009-10-28 17:28 (UTC)
I'm not sure if I would have had time to hear the answer, as I'm fairly sure it would have involved a lengthy exposition on how these were the underpants she wore last weekend when she saw her boyfriend, and now she feels like she's defiled them.
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[User Picture]From: chickenfeet2003
2009-10-28 21:46 (UTC)
In my day young people on commuter trains were too busy taking easy money off Treasury Principals at bridge to worry about "fidelity".
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2009-10-30 15:44 (UTC)
You are making me want to champion a return to "Traditional Values".
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[User Picture]From: jixel
2009-12-02 14:54 (UTC)
my favorite (sorry, favourite) firsthand tale of such ilk was the woman being screened outside of the line (sorry queueueueu) at airport security - i'm amazed they didn't take her phone away (!) they just let her jabber on, and we're all sniggling at her in the terminal as she had her arms out and metal detector scanning her etc. it was absurd and she just could not just hang up the phone now, could she?

as for you less than felicitous experience, you should have taken her photo and posted it on craig's list rants or something for some wall of shame..
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