|Children Are Evil
Mad Scientess Jane Expat
I spent the weekend in a forest near Battle (where fighting was invented) with some friends and children of friends. I was therefore able to obtain extensive photographic documentation to support my hypothesis that Children Are Evil.
|Exhibit A: The Tractor|
Look at this maniac. Do you want to see him behind the wheel of a tricycle, let alone a motorized vehicle? I shudder to imagine the destruction he could wreak with a combine harvester. England would be a smouldering wasteland in a matter of days.
|Exhibit B: Heeere's Joseph!|
Though he may be armed merely with a felt-tipped pen, there is no mistaking his murderous intentions. This moment of truth was captured by his ally in wrongdoing, Karig, whose foul deeds will be expounded upon momentarily. I can only assume she neglected to delete this incriminating evidence before handing the camera back to me.
|Exhibit C: Deception |
At first glance, it appears that the young dark lord is being assisted down the steps by a kindly ally. I assure you, though, that this benign behaviour simply lulled the attendant Big People into a sense of false security. Immediately upon completion of the descent, the horrific scene depicted in Exhibit D was enacted.
|Exhibit D: Hand-to-hand combat|
Here, the little bundle of malice has managed to take out two Big People with a single tackle. And he wasn't even wearing any pants. EVIL.
|Exhibit E: Invocation of foul gods|
Little Joseph has much to learn from his older, craftier ally. Karig lays flowers in the fairy ring, loudly proclaiming to the Big People that their purpose is to please the friendly woodland spirits. I, however, was not fooled. I know that alluring posy is infused with the black thoughts and designs with which she hopes to trap and enslave us. The worst part is that it worked. SUPEREVIL++.