- If you could ask me any question what would it be? :-)
You have your lectureship and your wife and your child and things seem to be going swimmingly for you. You have achieved much during our time as LJ compatriots. I would ask you, what’s your next ambition?
- I'm not sure if you remember me but I used to work at [redacted] in Pasadena. I remember you and your boyfriend (at that time) talking about moving to England. I think I even saw you on a return trip once. What ever happened to him and your relationship with him?
Don’t worry, it’s a personal question but not one I mind answering. Marco still lives in London – in fact, he bought a house not long ago with a mutual acquaintance.
The deterioration of our relationship probably began before the move to England and the move only exacerbated it. I made a break with academia at a crucial point in my career, and I don’t think throwing in a transatlantic schlep with a bunch of possessions, plus months of culture shock, was quite the best formula I could have concocted to cure my lack of emotional stability. I was financially dependent on him for a time, and although we agreed it was for our mutual good that I not work for a while, I was never truly comfortable with the situation. The more upset I got at my dependency, the more he withdrew from me, and being starved of affection fed into my frustration. By the time I started working again, we were doomed.
We don’t talk often, but this is not due to animosity on either side, I don’t believe. We simply aren’t yet in a place to be friends again. I hope we’ll both get there eventually. We spent nearly six years together. Both of us were, for a long time, under the impression that our relationship was as near to permanent as it’s possible to get. It would be a shame to chuck the friendship just because the relationship didn’t work out.
(It felt rather good to write that. Thank you, Anonymous Person, for asking.)
- Cheese of death?
When I Googled your question in an attempt to figure out if it were an inside joke I was missing, I learned that “cheese” is the name for a recreational drug consisting of heroin combined with crushed tablets of non-prescription cold medication. People have overdosed on it. In a purely literal sense, then, that is the cheese of death. (Why am I suddenly reminded of the “cake” episode on Brass Eye?)
Metaphorically speaking, however, I think my first experience with a “cheese of death” would be the first bite of proper Stilton cheese I ever had, which I vividly remember. I took my first real “English tea” at the Orangery at Kensington Gardens several years ago. I enjoyed my pot of Earl Grey and my scones with clotted cream and jam. Then we ordered lunch, and I decided on soup and bread…and cheese. I sipped soup. I nibbled bread. Finally, I dared to lift a large chunk of the mottled blue stuff to my mouth. I think I nearly fainted just from the smell. These days I’m not afraid of most cheeses, although I’m not sure I would dare to say that to the French.
- What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?
I was wondering how long it would take someone to ask a sex question. In the spirit of openness, I’m going to answer this thoroughly so I’ll put it behind a cut to spare the eyes of those who might not want to know quite this much about me. I would say that the kinkiest thing I ever did, I did in order to learn that I am in fact not kinked in that direction. I once participated in a fetish playroom where I allowed myself to be stripped half-naked in front of about fifty people, tied to a rack by my hair and my wrists, whipped (relatively lightly) and had hot candle wax poured over bits of me. For the finale, a lit candle was stuck in each of my hands and in my mouth and then expertly put out by the dom with a twelve-foot-long bullwhip. It was absolutely electrifying. Sadly, it did nothing for me sexually.
Aside from that, I would say I’m generally happy being “vanilla”. Pain isn’t pleasure for me. I’ve found that knife play terrifies me. (And yes I do recognize the irony since I used to be a cutter.) I don’t mind a bit of light bondage. My biggest kink is a mild predilection for sex in public places where there is a significant danger of being caught. I’ve had partners who weren’t into it, so there have been long stretches of my sex life where there hasn’t been any such activity. But if the opportunity crops up, I’m game.
This is getting dangerously close to Teal Deer so I’ll answer the next three in a new post. And may I add that damn, you all ask some tough questions.
If you wish to ask something, go here.