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Mad Scientess Jane Expat

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Always at home [20070918|22:42]
Mad Scientess Jane Expat
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When I left London, while riding in the cab, I got that scrabbly panicked feeling I get when leaving home. It feels like my heart is trying to jump out of my chest and clutch at passing lamp-posts, fences, bollards, pedestrians with its little bloody tentacles to stop me from going to the airport. I guess I still haven't quite wrapped my mind around the notion that it's okay to have multiple homes. That I can leave home in order to go home.

London is the place where I fully came into my own and created a new life out of the ashes of the old one. But wherever my parents, my only immediate family, choose to be will also be my home. And the places where my dear friends are, scattered across the world - all of them are home as well, and when I go to them my octopus heart will tickle its way into the familiar grooves and squeeze gently, and love will squeeze back.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: taische
2007-09-19 02:53 (UTC)
I love the image of always moving toward home. yes. ... the places that, more than just receiving us, receive our hearts, familiar, calling them to restful beats.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2007-09-20 19:31 (UTC)
It's been a very calming realization. I'm enjoying its after-effects.
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[User Picture]From: ursarctous
2007-09-19 08:50 (UTC)
beautifully put! xx
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2007-09-20 18:50 (UTC)
Thank you!
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2007-09-20 19:08 (UTC)
You travel more than I do; you must have figured it out a long time ago.
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[User Picture]From: seismic
2007-09-20 02:29 (UTC)
Wow. This is beautiful. As someone who had to go out, search for, and find home, I'm a wee bit envious. But, you know, it gives me a sense of being centered to aspire to. I've found home. Now I have the eyes to see what else may be out there.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2007-09-20 19:16 (UTC)
Well, I've honestly never really felt like I had a home, and I always envied the people who seemed to know exactly where they were from and where they belonged. Consequently, I've done an awful lot of wandering. I haven't stayed in one place for longer than five years since I was a small child. While London is the place I'm currently happiest to call home, because it has the strongest associations with independence for me, I very much doubt it'll be the last. So the multiple home approach is the one I take, partly because it's necessary.

In a similar vein, I finally received your letter yesterday. Royal Mail cleverly delivered it to the upstairs flat, which is why it took so long. Anyway, thank you!
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[User Picture]From: seismic
2007-09-22 21:48 (UTC)
I've stayed in one city longer than five years but I'd moved more than 20 times in 15 years at one point. I don't do the math anymore, except when I have to. It has ceased to be an entertaining activity. I do think that unless there's something horrible about the apartment this next move will be the last for a good long time and I'm kind of looking forward to that.

You're welcome! I'm glad the letter finally made it. Since the mail service has been so unpredictable of late, I did not try to send out a card to make it there in time for your birthday. Instead, I wrote in it today and will be popping it in the mailbox on my way out to someone else's birthday party whose birthday was a couple weeks ago and at which I will see someone else whose actual birthday is today. While there, I will raise a glass in the appropriate direction and quite possibly sneak your name into the list that'll come after "Happy birthday dear..." once we break out the cake.

Happy Birthday, lady. I hope it's a good one.
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