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Mad Scientess Jane Expat

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A ride on the comedy minibus of fun. [20051219|12:59]
Mad Scientess Jane Expat
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Last night, my favorite reptile imyril and her boyfriend took us unsuspecting Americans to see a stand-up comedy show featuring a tall wild-haired and highly animated Northern man, Ross Noble. Being from the north of England is a bit like being from the South in the States.
RN: How many people are really getting into the Christmas spirit? Ready for the holidays?
Audience: *half-hearted cheering*
RN: And how many people are really hating Christmas? Wishing it was over already?
Audience: *much louder, more enthusiastic cheering*
RN: Ah, bless ye London, ye haven't let me doon. Ye miserable booncha bastards.
RN: *folds arms, adopts stroppy expression*
RN: "It's Christmas-time in London. It's rubbish."

He encouraged audience participation, by which I mean he selected some unlucky persons in the first three rows and the theatre boxes and picked on them. He embarrassed a girl in a Santa hat and a performing arts student before striking comedy gold. He found himself a life coach.

Life coaching, which involves telling someone such obvious things as "You need to spend more time relaxing" until they actually do, sounds like complete bollocks, and in many ways it is – until you meet a few corporate executives and realize that these people need a life coach. Of course, when you meet them, you can usually replace the words "life coach" with "muzzle" to produce an even simpler and more elegant solution.

Anyway, it took a lot of effort for Ross Noble to get the life coach to admit to his profession.
RN: And what exactly do you coach?
Life coach: People.
RN: Oh, no shit.
RN: *leans back, looks up towards the ceiling*
RN: Is there some kind of sign above me that I can't see? Some sort of big arrow pointing towards me? "Northern Man Talks!" Are you all just sitting there, saying to yourselves, "Oh, he's ever so clever. He's from the north, but he can form words!"

The life coach made the mistake of getting rather peeved with the comedian, which of course meant his remarks became the punch-lines of many of the jokes throughout the 2.5 hour show.
RN: So what's the most important thing you tell people?
Life coach: You have all the answers.
RN: *momentarily stunned into silence*
RN: Lazy bastard.

After a lengthy and cringe-making gag during which he pantomimed making love to a pensioner, he floated gently towards a more genteel topic: poo. He told us of his wife's fondness for the Lush line of body products. ("Ye throw them into the water and they explode, emitting wonderful lady things into the bath.") He wound up covered in glitter when he showered after one of her baths, and was, so he claimed, unable to remove the glitter for weeks. As an illustration of the glitter's pernicious powers, he told us that even his poo sparkled.
RN: I thought, I have a magic arse. You could have hung that sparkly poo in a disco.
RN: Of course, you wouldn't want to eat it.
Someone in the audience: *cheers*
RN: Oh, now see what you've done. Here we are, all riding happily along in the Comedy Minibus of Fun and you've gone and taken the wheel and detoured us into Wrongtown.

If you ask me, we were already in Wrongtown, we just took the occasional detour into Squicksville. In any case, we stayed there for the remainder of the show, which concluded with an amalgamation of the chimney-sweep dance and a pantomime of a new sport of his own invention, Muslim-hurdling. Its gracelessness nearly surpassed its lack of political correctness.

I need to get back to my own new favorite sport, World of Warcraft, which I'm enjoying very much at the moment because I'm sick. (Again, argh.) The pop psychologist in me finds MMORPGs fascinating because the medium forces everyone into the crudest expressions of their personalities. I always play female characters. I don't really know why I'm not comfortable using a male avatar in a virtual setting. It's a depth of my psyche I don't particularly feel like plumbing. I'm playing a healer character, because I love going around casting protective spells on people. Sometimes I'm such a goody two-shoes I even make myself barf. Anyway, some people react quite nicely, thanking me or bowing or casting something helpful in return.

And then there are the rest. Like the person who saw me randomly bestowing nice things on another player, and said, "Make yourself useful and come over here and help me." Gee, let me think about that. No. Or the person who whispered "How old are you?" and "Are you a real girl?" In the words of my beloved, "Piss off, and clearly you're not because you called yourself 'Fannyflaps.' Twat."
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Comments:
From: shniggit
2005-12-19 13:09 (UTC)
Oi, I'm from the north of england, and I don't often sit on my porch with my shotgun either! :p
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-12-19 17:35 (UTC)
Ha, I bet that's only because you haven't got a porch. ;-P
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[User Picture]From: vndictivesprite
2005-12-19 15:00 (UTC)
So... errr. what server tdo you play on?

hehe

I'm planning on wasting a large portion of my vacation playong WoW
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-12-19 17:43 (UTC)
We play on the European servers so I doubt we can all play together, unfortunately.

But still, hooray for being thoroughly distracted from physical ailments and stress.
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[User Picture]From: scanner_darkly
2005-12-19 15:32 (UTC)
Ah, someone else has succumbed to the eville that is WoW.

I spend a lot of time thinking of psychology, especially when I have to face some of the stupider posturing on General Chat. For the record, I'm tall and mostly play male gnomes. No idea why. I'm in a guild with a good friend whose main is a female Night Elf, and whose wife plays a male Night Elf, though she plays a female tauren on another server as her main. Recently they've gotten a new computer, which means getting a second account, which means they have to still have to make strange decisions, as they're playing on the same account.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-12-19 17:49 (UTC)
That's the nice thing about playing on the European servers. I can't understand half of what's going on in General Chat because, if people are being puerile, persnickety and pompous, they're doing it in languages I don't speak.

We have two accounts, and Marco also plays male characters almost exclusively. Since gender is purely a matter of choice in WoW, I think it's pretty interesting that we always select our actual genders for game play, more so than in Diablo, where gender was tied to class.

BTW, I'm of average height and whenever I can, I play as tall a character as possible, although I love the machines that transform you into a Christmas elf.
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[User Picture]From: sekl
2005-12-19 17:23 (UTC)
Night elves have that lovely wisp quality when they die, but I prefer trolls. Not only do you get to witness the worst Jamaican impressions ever, but the regen isn't bad at all.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-12-19 17:51 (UTC)
I'm playing a troll because they're Rastafarians. Also, because when they dance, they do capoeira. And finally, because every time someone says "For the Horde," I shout "FOR THE WHORES!"

Hours of amusement. Really.
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[User Picture]From: sadira42
2005-12-19 17:38 (UTC)
Oh man, you're playing WoW! I sort of miss it, haven't played it in months and I still don't have the internet yet or the money to pay every month. But I used to love it so. I play a Night Elf female as a main, but only because I wanted to be a druid and I had to play Alliance because of a friend. Otherwise, I'm all about Tauren (mm, cow). And the Horde (zug zug). What can I say, I'm evial.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-12-19 17:56 (UTC)
When Marco got his account, we got a guest pass thingie, which is what I'm using. I probably won't upgrade because I know I have an addictive personality, and while I can and do control the amount I play, if I have something I'm definitely avoiding, it makes it much more difficult.

I like playing druids as well. I didn't want to be a Tauren this time around, though, because Marco's main is a Tauren. I wanted to be a troll, for purely cosmetic reasons. They have great hair, they have terrible Jamaican accents, they perform capoeira when they dance and of course, they do it all for the whores.
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[User Picture]From: 3g0
2005-12-20 01:26 (UTC)
That show sounds like it was difficult to sit through. I can't handle comedy like that sometimes; I know it's tight-assed of me and all, but I can't help myself!

Chris spends a lot of time in WoW - I enjoyed the game, but I just don't have the flim-flammin time to put into it anymore. I got a little mage up to twelve or something, & that was as much as I could take. When I was out of work last year, I leveled myself up a little wood elf to a level 50 baker in EQ2.

heheh.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-12-21 08:57 (UTC)
Bits of it were difficult. I had a lot of trouble with the pensioner gag. That one seriously squicked me. But other parts were pretty funny, particularly the audience interaction.

I don't plan to put much more than mid-twenties into leveling. I never got past mid-forties in Diablo II (max was 99). I'd play through once and get bored. I predict that's what will happen with WoW. I find WoW more interesting, though, because you can do all that fun stuff with the professions (tailoring, alchemy) and you can go fishin'. And it's pretty. Especially flying around on the back of a windrider. Lovely.
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[User Picture]From: ironed_orchid
2005-12-20 03:29 (UTC)
Ross Noble actually in the UK? He seems to spend most of his time doing guest spots on Aussie tv.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-12-21 08:59 (UTC)
He mentioned his deep love for Oz several times, so I suppose that's not surprising.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-12-21 09:01 (UTC)
Someday, when you actually take time off, you oughta spend a couple of weeks vegetating and playing it. Otherwise, I really don't recommend it or it'll eat all your free time and you'll feel like you've overdosed on mince pie every night.

When you close your eyes and all you see are harpies, or demons, or large red arrows bouncing over your target's heads, you know you play too much.
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