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Mad Scientess Jane Expat

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A Case for LiveJournal [20050421|10:38]
Mad Scientess Jane Expat
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[the weather today is |trouble]

You know, I see a lot of people complaining about their dissatisfaction with LiveJournal. I think it's worthwhile to spend a little time counteracting all this negativity with some Reasons to Love LiveJournal.

First of all, think about why you started your LiveJournal. I'd be willing to bet that there were two main precipitating forces: peer pressure and boredom at work. I can already hear the howls of protest. I'm my own person, you are shouting. I don't need other people telling me what to do. Right. So, you started this journal without the intention of attracting an audience. And that's why you're putting it online in large community and not writing it in a paper notebook or a text document on your home computer. As for the second force, I hear still more shouting. I don't work! I'm at home! I can't check LiveJournal because of the firewall! I hate to break this to you, but boredom at home is still boredom.

So, you're here because now you've got an audience eager for the fruits of your intellect. Plus, you're still bored.

We come (ha!) to the first Reason to Love LiveJournal: access to free pr0n. If you're a girl the written word gets you hot, there's plenty of fanfic out there for every taste by some true virtuosos, capable of producing mpreg Fred-George twincest at the drop of a hat. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, consider yourself lucky.) There are pervy hobbit fanciers, pervy pirate fanciers and pervy underage wizard fanciers. I am willing to admit that it was through LiveJournal that I discovered h0tt gay vampire sex. (I hope you don't me to tell you that that link is SO not worksafe.) Any pairing you can possibly think of, and the more improbable, the better, is probably available in a LiveJournal community. But wait! There's plenty of stimulation for the boys the visually oriented, too. I mean, you can have yourself some classy sepia-toned vintage sex. You can chose between shaven and unshaven pussy. If you don't want to sully your cache with such obvious filth or if you prefer titillation you can always add a lot of pretty girls to your friends list and wait for them to post pictures of themselves, because inevitably, they will.

I don't know that we need a whole lot more motivation to keep a LiveJournal than access to free pr0n, but I shall push onwards regardless. The second Reason to Love LiveJournal is the intellectual simulation. I mean, the voyeuristic satisfaction of reading the intimate details of other people's messed-up lives. Particularly if you live in Britain, because LJ is cheaper than a TV license. Sadly, it's not as easy as it used to be in the olden days of LiveJournal, when people were a lot less prudent. Fortunately, other sites have stepped into the breach left by the LJ team's sudden development of scruples. However, the perennial favorites are still here.

The third Reason to Love LiveJournal is the proliferation of distracting links.

The last, and most important, Reason to Love LiveJournal is the comments. Is there an easier way to satisfy your inner attention whore than to come home to find 27 new messages in your inbox? That aren't spam? I don't know about you, but I eat that stuff up with a spoon. Content doesn't matter. I could pour my little heart out or spend hours constructing a rational argument on some relevant and flammable topic. You could comment saying, "I am Mahir. I KISS YOU!!!" and I'd still do a little dance of joy when I opened my browser. (This is not an invitation to copy and paste. You can think of your own stupid reference to legendary internet personae.)

Other sites may claim to provide one, or even two, of the above services, but here is where it all comes together to make an unfathomable tangle of absorbing distraction. LiveJournal, I salute you!
linkReply

Comments:
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From: klig
2005-04-21 09:50 (UTC)
Spot on, as usual.
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[User Picture]From: ironed_orchid
2005-04-21 10:08 (UTC)
I love you. Thanks for the reminder.

Right now my favourite bit is the inevitability of pretty girls posting pictures of themselves, but that could change when I re-read.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-04-21 21:58 (UTC)
Thank you for the icon. It was perfect for this post.
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[User Picture]From: wardytron
2005-04-21 10:23 (UTC)
Oh crikey, I was genuinely unaware of all the filth on Livejournal. I mean, I probably dimly aware that there are communities devoted to various shenanigans and what have you, but hadn't bothered to venture up that alley, so to speak. Hmm, I wonder if there is any Nigella Lawson or Kirstie Allsop "fanfic".
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-04-21 22:03 (UTC)
To be honest, I only wrote this post because it allowed me to work in the phrase "h0tt gay vampire sex."
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[User Picture]From: opheliablue
2005-04-21 11:01 (UTC)
I would write it out by hand or in a text document, but it's strange - everytime I try that it doesn't work.

WTF??

The file never saves - the pen always runs out - something always happens.

I hate having a LiveJournal because I AM MY OWN PERSON but if I didn't have one I wouldn't be able to write anything anywhere ever.

P.S. U r preetty laydee. We have sum fun no? A/S/L?
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[User Picture]From: scanner_darkly
2005-04-21 12:40 (UTC)
I think my own discontent with livejournal comes with how I want to use it -- at first I had a professional blog on my (currently defunct) site, then a secret livejournal account to talk to my friends when I moved away from SF. Then I gave up on the pro site for a while, then my friend Darren found my livejournal account and all these writerly types I used to know joined, and now I have this personal/pro journal that I don't know what I'm using it for.

I still like to read other people's stuff, tho. It's just...
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[User Picture]From: seismic
2005-04-21 13:19 (UTC)
I am Mahir. I KISS YOU!!!* I AM SPARTACUS!

Er...

pr0n!

Er...

*snappy salute*

Right. That's what I meant. Or something. And now, a tutu.

* Someone was going to do it. You know that. :P
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-04-21 22:05 (UTC)
You enrage me!*

But I forgive you. You can thank the tutu for that.

* OK, not really.
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(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-04-21 22:11 (UTC)
Well, I don't know. Maybe it's because your LAST comment made me WEEP.

(Actually, I figured you'd already heard of it.)

LJ: The Internet's Finest Purveyor of Schadenfreude, by Appointment to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.
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[User Picture]From: khayman
2005-04-21 14:30 (UTC)
I love, love, love your usericon. And as usual your post is right on.
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[User Picture]From: tharine
2005-04-21 15:19 (UTC)
ive been trying to use less superlatives, but thats impossible when you make this appear on my friends page: the BEST POST EVER. dammit.
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[User Picture]From: sekl
2005-04-21 15:21 (UTC)
Hmmm... I was going to point out that you left out rampant egomania as a reason for starting an LJ, and then I got distracted by the h0tt gay vampires um links.

Anyway, before I was distracted by the thought of vampires playing naked twister with elves LJ offers also the possibilty of unlimited wanking. You can tell everyone that dream you've had about your fourth grade teacher dancing naked in the supermarked, or drone on endlessly about how you really are the best tenant your landlord has ever had. No one can stop you, they can only scream for cut tags.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-04-21 22:16 (UTC)
the thought of vampires playing naked twister with elves

Your idea brings all the best of the gay together. I urge you to write it.

No one can stop you, they can only scream for cut tags.

Oh, no no. They can always do the ultimate. They can unfriend you. WOE!
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[User Picture]From: wurlitzerprized
2005-04-21 15:53 (UTC)

unfathomable tangle of absorbing distraction

yes.
perfect.
pixiehead.
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[User Picture]From: ravengirl
2005-04-21 16:34 (UTC)
while i am boring and sometimes bored,
the reason i started an online journal
is because i wanted to keep a journal~
weird, no? ;)
as a matter of fact, whenever i find myself
cruising the pages too often and expecting to *see* something,
i usually end of re-reading posts of my own
from years ago or even just months ago.

it's a sickness. *snort*

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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-04-22 08:26 (UTC)
You're interested in yourself? You're such an egomaniac!

(I tease, I tease.)
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[User Picture]From: communistgnome
2005-04-21 16:40 (UTC)
I am so clicking on most of those links as soon as I get home, if I remember to check on LiveJournal, since I'm usually not bored at home.

And I'm going to link this from my journal. Because it's awesome.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-04-21 22:28 (UTC)
If nothing else, I think you'll love The Order of the Stick.
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(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: katyakoshka
2005-04-21 16:53 (UTC)
Werd.
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[User Picture]From: willowkitty
2005-04-21 19:06 (UTC)
you have to have a license for television in britian?
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-04-21 22:21 (UTC)
Yup. And it's a thousand pound fine if they catch you watching it without one. If you decide you don't want to watch TV but you have electronic equipment in your home that could allow you to do so, you have to write a letter to the TV licensing board to assure them that they don't need to charge you. Then they come out to check to make sure you're not lying. To do this, they lie to you in order to get into your building. YAY!
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