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Mad Scientess Jane Expat

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Fifty words or less, round two [20050106|11:44]
Mad Scientess Jane Expat
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It's that time again. Time to resurrect the Microlit Meme, with a selection from my recent reading list.

Paul Auster, City of Glass

Paul Auster: This book is not in any way autobiographical.
Quinn: Yes, it is, you fuckwit.
Paul Auster: Oh right.
Quinn: This plotline bores me. I'm out.

Geoff Nicholson, Bleeding London

Mick: God, I hate this bloody town. I think I'll break some heads.
Judy: God, I hate this bloody town. I think I'll bang every guy I meet.
Stuart: God, I hate this bloody town. I think I'll cheat on my wife.
All: Fuck, this isn't working. I'm out.

Michael Ondaatje, The English Patient

Hana: Will I ever find love again?
The English Patient: I'm dying, aren't I?
Caravaggio: Where is Hana hiding the drugs?
Kip: Hey assholes, Hiroshima just blew up.
Everybody else:
Kip: Ugh. Fucking white people. I'm out.

Edith Wharton, Age of Innocence

May: Being pretty and stupid will make Newland happy.
Newland: My wife is an idiot. I crave the company of an intelligent woman.
Ellen: Here I am.
Newland: I'm terrified.
Ellen: What a wuss. I'm out.

Philip Pullman, the Sally Lockhart novels

Sally: I'm a young single woman in the Victorian era, but I know how to shoot a pistol. What could possibly go wrong?

Rocks fall, everybody dies.

Sally: …And now I’m pregnant. That was an incredibly stupid thing to say, wasn't it. Jim, you take over. I'm out.

George Orwell, any book

George Orwell: This is my lugubrious parable illustrating the oppression of the working class by the rich and the middle class.
George Orwell: The oppression will never stop.
George Orwell: I hate the rich and the middle class.
George Orwell: Unfortunately, I am middle class.
George Orwell: I have exhausted my font of self-loathing. I'm out.


Add your own.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: nationofsheep
2005-01-06 13:06 (UTC)

yes this is good

Bangkok 8:

Thai main Character: I am a cop
Thai main Character: My friend died because of some fucked up white people's idea of a good time.
Thai main Character: I will kill them all.
Thai main Character: Oh my. Life is worse than death for these depraved sicko's. I'm out...
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-01-07 12:19 (UTC)
Ha! That looks like a good plane read. And one review compared it to Raymond Chandler. Thanks.
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[User Picture]From: nationofsheep
2005-01-07 14:32 (UTC)

funny

That's funny. I bought it in the Dallas airport on my way back to Hong Kong in July. I read half of it on the plane, and then the WC took it and wouldn't give it back until it got too sick for her. She gave up before she could finish. Not that she hasn't ever been into that kind of thing, but having a baby has reduced her tolerance. I soldiered on, and it had some good twists. It is generally a good Western-novel look into Thai street culture. It's pretty cool.
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[User Picture]From: ironed_orchid
2005-01-06 13:09 (UTC)
Wonderful! Especially like the English Patient synopsis.
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[User Picture]From: ironed_orchid
2005-01-06 13:37 (UTC)
William Faulkner: As I Lay Dying
Mother: Bury me in Jefferson
Vardmann: My mother is a Fish
Dewey Dell: I'm Pregnant
Jewel: I'm illegitimate
Everyone else: Let's take mother's corpse to Jefferson
Mother: [rots]

Susanna Clarke: Jonathon Strange and Mr Norrel
Mr. Norrell: Theoretical magic sux0rs, practical magic roolz
Jonathon Clarke: Mr. Norrell is a fuddy duddy
The gentleman with the thistle down hair: everyone is falling for my fiendish plans
Everyone else: [Falls for the the gentleman with the thistle down hair's fiendish plans]
Jonathon Strange: I do believe in fairies
Susanna Clarke: I'd better write another 700 pages.

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[User Picture]From: nanila
2005-01-07 12:27 (UTC)
Ahaha, I was afraid that JS & Mr. N would turn out like that. I read the first thirty pages or so while standing in a Waterstones and it grabbed me, but I am wary of any book that requires more than three hundred pages to tell a fictional story. If it's going to be that long, it had better either span about ten generations or be very fucking funny. (Yes, I am biased. This is why I love short stories.)
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[User Picture]From: seismic
2005-01-07 00:12 (UTC)
Muahahaha. Still love that. I like the new ones. None to add at the moment but there's a long shot that I might, at some point, once I've located my brain, come up with some. =)
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[User Picture]From: nationofsheep
2005-01-07 14:40 (UTC)

Lila

Lila by Robert Persig

Phaedrus: I am obsessive and I have trays of cards categorizing everything in my warped mind. I keep the cards in my boat as I navigate the locks on the eerie canal.
Rigel: You sick fuck. I hate you and everything you stand for. Your first book, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, sucked ass.
Phaedrus: Shut up you demented right wing Victorian agitator. You don't even know what the fuck I am talking about. You are so stupid.
Lila: I don't care about your stupid cards. Let's fuck.
Phaedrus: Poor Lila. A victim of wayward Victorian sick-fuckery. You are so stupid.
Lila: You are right. Let's fuck.
Phaedrus: The Indians are responsible for everything cool about America. Victorians fucked everything up.
Lila: Are you going to fuck me or not.
Phaedrus: Okay okay, let's fuck. But it has to mean something.
Lila: All right, I will go live carefree on the Caribean in a boat with a crazy pop philosopher.
Rigel: No!
Lila: Okay.
Phaedrus: You guys suck! You are like mannequins on display in some stupid historic wax museum. I'm out.

(I am quite proud of this one.)
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