Mad Scientess Jane Expat (nanila) wrote,
Mad Scientess Jane Expat
nanila

Anonymity

This post was triggered by two events. My former postdoctoral advisors put up an ad for the position that I left on the Molecular Dynamics News mailing list today. And I have not heard a peep from the person I interviewed with when I visited London in August. I e-mailed her shortly before moving, after she said she wanted to offer me the job and she didn't respond. It puts me in a strange position. It's now the middle of November. She'd said that she thought the start date ought to be some time after 1 November. I wasn't looking forward to turning the job down, but now that she failed to offer it to me, I'm stuck. If I e-mail her, it might make it seem like I was interested. She didn't actually offer me the job, so writing and telling her I'm not interested seems rather ridiculous. I'm inclined to let it go because I'm perfectly content never to work in an academic setting again.

That's right, the worst has happened, and it's the best thing ever. I'm not at all interested in going back to academia. After a month-long break, I finally got enough perspective on my situation to see that I never aspired to a professorial position in the first place. I was pushing myself that way because I'd had the idea that any other course would be a waste of my talents implanted in my brain and it was difficult to shake. Almost every day, I ride the bus past one of the university campuses here and I am grateful I didn't decide to work there.

I feel as if the world has been opened up to me. Suddenly, it is possible for me to remake myself. Nobody's expectations are being thrust in my face. No one is disappointed in me for not choosing what they think I ought to have done. I take a huge delight in talking with the people I meet and not telling them anything about my educational background or my work experience. My identity is no longer tied to the academy. I am poor. I am no one. I am so happy, it's absurd.
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 33 comments