|Day 321/365: The Mash Report is back
Mad Scientess Jane Expat
Oh yes, my new favourite unabashedly liberal satirical news show is on the BBC again. I’m not exaggerating when I say that this is the only way I can cope with watching video footage of the sitting American president. Or watch commentary on the current status of Brexit negotiations.
Top moments so far:
- Nish Kumar: “I almost feel for [Theresa May], and then I remember the Windrush scandal, the go-home vans and the hostile environment which have made me and my family feel unwelcome in the country we call home, and I think oho, actually: [raspberry] [two-finger salute].” YUUUUUUP
- Ellie Taylor: “But first, chancellor Philip Hammond used Monday’s budget to confirm that the austerity era has officially ended. But cuts to council funding, police numbers, and social housing will continue. Schools, and care for the elderly will also continue to be chronically underfunded, prisons will be overcrowded, the NHS will struggle without enough doctors, nurses or ambulances. Libraries will either be closed or only open at specific points in the lunar cycle, homelessness will continue to be quite sad but easily ignored, and Britain’s housing supply will still be controlled by evil bastard property developers who think ‘affordable’ means ‘250 grand’, but thank fuck austerity is over.”
- Desiree Burch, talking about the American midterms: “We are the hen do from hell, and we do not care about your little quiet night out because we’re here because Claire is getting married, okay? I love you, you stupid bitch, I love you, oh my ga--I swear, if you take this drink outta my hand, I will karate-chop you in the dick.”
- Nish Kumar in a fake charity fundraising advert: “You’re probably thinking, ‘Well, can’t somebody in your own country do something about [20% of the population living in poverty]?’ Yes. Absolutely they can. But they don’t give a shit.”
- Ahir Shah: “Now, Nish, when my grandparents moved to this country, they were able to own property, largely because they drove down house prices in every neighbourhood they went to. [high-fives with Nish] But unfortunately, that trick just doesn’t work any more.”
- Ahir Shah: “Genuinely, online, I’ve had people tell me I want to impose Sharia law on the West, which, as the atheist son of Hindu parents, makes me feel ever so naughty.”
AND FINALLY, and outside the cut because I really want everyone to watch this, from Episode One, Catherine Bohart: “As an immigrant in Britain*, sometimes it’s not enough to merely contribute to the economy or prop up the NHS. It’s also your job to make British people feel more comfortable with your existence. So, here’s my handy guide to Being the Kind of Immigrant British People Don’t Mind So Much.” (Seriously, y’all, watch the rest of her Handy Guide. I was crying with laughter. And also crying.)
* She’s Irish
This entry was originally posted at https://nanila.dreamwidth.org/1210213.html. The titration count is at .0 pKa.