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Separation anxiety - Sauntering Vaguely Downward [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Mad Scientess Jane Expat

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Separation anxiety [20121008|19:40]
Mad Scientess Jane Expat
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I saw the midwife today and she praised me for getting Humuhumu into just the right position to be born (head down and engaged; back to front). I guess all the gardening and rolling around on the exercise ball actually has helped. She also expressed doubt that I'd need my 40 week appointment, which she can't do until I'm almost in my 41st week, since Humuhumu is slightly ahead of the growth curve and apparently almost fully cooked. I suspect that's tempting fate so I'm trying not to think about it.

I know childbirth is going to hurt physically, but weirdly, the closer The Event gets, the more my anxiety has become focused on the potential emotional pain. A part of me is very reluctant to be separated from Humuhumu. I've spent months growing this child. I feel rather possessive about it. (Witness the fire dragon in me rearing its head and being Bad At Sharing.) My hackles go up at the thought of someone else carrying Humuhumu. That's my job. I don't want people touching the little one without my permission, just as I was with the bump. This is definitely something I was not expecting to feel quite so strongly.

I imagine once I'm faced with 8-12 nappy changes a day, I won't have any problem with sharing Humuhumu with anyone who is willing to help, but at the moment it's a bit of a worry.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: sekl
2012-10-08 19:44 (UTC)
Babies are warm and snuggly, and the MINE factor is definitely there. But about the third day of sleep deprivation, the desire to shower alone and perhaps have a nice nap where you aren't constantly aware of tiny human needs begins to have a certain effect.

Enjoy your journey. The pain fades, but the baby smell is good for over a year.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2012-10-09 16:08 (UTC)
Don't brand-new babies kinda smell like stale milk? I mean, there's a nice smell underneath but with all the eating and the pooping and having to use largely fragrance-free products, I imagine that the "fresh" new baby smell, which largely seems to come from baby wipes, doesn't kick in til later. :P
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[User Picture]From: thekumquat
2012-10-09 20:21 (UTC)
They smell like your insides! Kind of meaty...
The humanoid smell kicks in later (even with unscented wipes - scented ones are foul!)

I felt like Lyra in His Dark Materials, suddenly acquiring part of my soul that was external...
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[User Picture]From: nimoloth
2012-10-15 16:53 (UTC)
As far as I've noticed, mine smells vaguely of poo, stale urine, stale milk and a little bit of sweat, but not so much as to be unpleasant (mostly)!
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[User Picture]From: belladonna_
2012-10-18 18:37 (UTC)
Only formula-fed babies have that milky smell you're thinking of. Also, bf baby poop smells better than formula poop. Promise.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2012-10-09 16:10 (UTC)
Yes, the birth videos I've seen seem to suggest that the pain is almost immediately forgotten (and that's not something I imagine you can fake easily when you're in the middle of it). The placenta bit scares me a little, though - all that, and you're still not quite finished?! How is that fair? :P

Thank you for the kind wishes. :)
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[User Picture]From: nimoloth
2012-10-15 16:55 (UTC)
You probably will barely notice the placenta bit, what with the sudden drop in pain, the drugs, the exhaustion, and the slimy thing lying on you wanting fed!
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2012-10-18 10:49 (UTC)
Oh good. I mean it still sounds pretty draining but at least it isn't another round of tremendous agony.
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[User Picture]From: nimoloth
2012-10-19 08:37 (UTC)
To be fair, I had n epidural, and was spaced out on diamorphine or whatever it is, but I believe it's a lot less sore and you are otherwise occupied!
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[User Picture]From: belladonna_
2012-10-09 01:23 (UTC)
Your days of baby-holding are nowhere hear an end, my friend. Save for only a very few short breaks (to shower and go to the restroom etc, or riding in the car) I held Miles for roughly the first three months after he was born. Sleeping, waking, feeding. So don't get maudlin yet.
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2012-10-09 16:11 (UTC)
Yes, I was planning on breastfeeding so I imagine Humuhumu and I will be literally attached for a fair amount of time, especially during the first few weeks. And then there's the baby sling, so that in theory I can go for walks! I hope. :P
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[User Picture]From: belladonna_
2012-10-18 18:39 (UTC)
Btw, I don't know if I've mentioned, but this is a great bf resource:

http://kellymom.com/</p>

I don't know if I would have made it through eight months of breastfeeding without some of this information.

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[User Picture]From: cosmiccircus
2012-10-09 02:14 (UTC)
As it gets closer to the date, you should start eating more slippery foods, so Humuhumu will just slide right out nice and easy, no pain!
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[User Picture]From: nanila
2012-10-09 16:12 (UTC)
"Like a wet bar of soap." Yep, that's what I'm hoping for. :P
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